Lobster

＊Lobster
Customer: Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
Waiter: I guess he’s been in a fight, sir.
Customer: Well, bring me the winner!

＊Doctor
Old man: Do you think I’ll live another ten years?
Doctor: Do you drink?
Old man: No.
Doctor: Do you smoke?
Old man: No.
Doctor: Do you have sex?
Old man: No.
Doctor: Then what the hell do you want to live another ten years for?

＊Oh, boy!
Husband: Your stockings are wrinkled.
Wife: But I’m not wearing any.

＊Languages
A: What do you call a person who speaks two languages?
B: Bilingual.
A: What do you call a person who speaks three languages?
B: Trilingual.
A: What do you call a person who speaks one language?
B: American.